dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
