Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize