lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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