I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
