My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
