he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
