if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
