margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
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