accomplished twins. life is a go
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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