I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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