stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This gyro tastes like lonliness
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
