well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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