His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
