i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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