If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
