my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
