grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
