cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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