Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
