I am full of burrito and curiosity
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize