What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
