no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
