Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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