no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
