Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i believe in u and ur pee
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
