I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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