we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
