you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize