Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
