Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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