the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
