Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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