I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
