ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
