There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize