remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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