so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
