By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
