I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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