Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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