That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
