Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
