i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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