Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
