today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize