respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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