Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
