now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
