Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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