The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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