woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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