mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
