Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
