Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
