Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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