We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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