I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's never too late to be topless.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
