We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
