I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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