i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
