I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
