is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
