it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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