all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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