smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
