wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The ass gains better be worth it
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