"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize