I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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