the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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