You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
