1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
