they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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