And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
