listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
