No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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