capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
