What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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