handjob tips. give me some.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
