And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
