i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
