I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
