I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
