Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
