Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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