He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
