I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
