new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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