no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
