im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
