Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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