i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
