Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A bitchslap is in order.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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