that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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