dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
