Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
