I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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