I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
