MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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