RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
