I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
