Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize