He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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