I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
