awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
