She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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