Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
