I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
