the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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