allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
