i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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