Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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