can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
