it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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