Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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